YOUR PROBLEM IS NOT AS BIG AS MINE

Why do you hate to share your problems with others? Are you the person everyone confides in but you have no succour? Do you hate when people always make your issues about themselves? Have you found a great listening ear yet?

Well, the first question is the reason why we are here people. Why do Nigerians find it difficult to confide in each other? The answer is very simple from my deductions. YOUR PROBLEM IS NOT AS BIG AS MINE.

Situation: You are in the midst of your ‘friends’ and you start to share your present circumstances which are not pleasant. Say, “Guys I need to pay my rent and I don’t have anything in my account. I am trying to see how I can raise the next bar.”

You most likely will hear “Guy, that one no be problem, na only rent dey do you and you dey like this. You know wetin I see yesterday. Na God rescue me o.  In fact, I be wan die yesterday. Me self, I never chop for five days now.”

You are not Nigerian if you don’t understand how the conversation will go on. I mean, most of us have been pushed to silence, shamed and made to feel stupid because we have certain issues, simply because those issues do not fit the listener’s idea of what a problem should be. We have the ‘I don suffer pass you’ ideology.  Let me itemize: 

1.       Nigerians always want to prove that they have been through hard times too. This explains the millions of pseudo motivational speakers that abound. Someone finally can afford a two square meal and proceeds to tell us how we should ASPIRE TO INSPIRE SO YOU DONT EXPIRE.             Ok! Continue.

2.      Most times, people don’t want to listen, they just want to gist. I learnt this the hard way. Don’t always mistake the rapt attention you get in some discussions for listening. Trust me, we are people who love gist and so, some people legit want to hear your problems so their story banks can be filled and not because they empathize with you.

3.      It’s a strong parental error. Nigerian parents do the most. Do you recall trying to get your parents to understand your struggles and pains and being told that you haven’t seen anything in life? My mother even had this quote, “If person wey sleep inside say he see ghost, wetin person wey see outside go see?” That line will never cease to amaze me. Tell parents your head hurt, they will tell you their lungs are on probation and the degree of pain they feel cannot be quantified. Tell them you failed a test and they will narrate how with no water or light, they always came top of their classes. (They taught us so much)

4.      You really want to brag about your survival skills. You know this! Sometimes, you tell stories about your discomforts and pains because you want the world to know how tough and mature you are and trust me, it comes from deep insecurity. I have come to find out that survival skills don’t need to be narrated, they are clear for all to see if they exist at all.

I could go and on but I know that you know the rest. Truth is, it is easy to blame others when we are on the other side.

If you get this vibe from people all the time, chances are that you give the same vibe too. You try to make people’s pains your glory stage by letting it known that you go through so much too that you keep to yourself.

Note: Keeping tons of pain to yourself does not make you strong; it weakens your humanity so bad that you lose your empathy. That someone decides to tell you what they are going through is not a chance to gloat over your strength.

Pain is not a comparison contest. Nobody loves pain, not even the boaster.