My Life: NO, I HAVE NOT ACHIEVED ANYTHING

My Life: No, I haven’t achieved anything

 "Yes, I was that child that made other parents draw the ears of their children and ask them ‘Is this one not your mate?’"

I am learning, slowly and painfully how to look at myself, count my blessings and name them one by one. Of course, you know I have a story to tell.

So, one of my best friends called out for help as he was at loss  on how to convince his baby brother that his beautiful A level results was a grand achievement. But the young man, who coincidentally shares the same native name with me, would not hear of it and craved to hear that my friend was not disappointed at the result.

It is one of those results with grades that will make a mother somewhere kill a chicken and prepare the boy’s favourite delicacy but for the young school leaver, he had failed and this result isn’t worth celebrating. I feel this boy! Up till a few months ago, I was buried in the state of self loathing which people around me saw as ‘being focused and a high achiever’.

Yes, I was that child that made other parents draw the ears of their children and ask them ‘Is this one not your mate?’, while my parents basked in the honour that came from birthing a genius. What started as a genuine need to do my best quickly spiraled into an obsession, a clear need to always impress, hit a mark and most importantly, make everyone happy.

Let’s hold on for a minute. Achievement is good, setting a target and hitting it is beautiful, seeing the smiles on the faces of your loved ones when you climb a step is alluring but you know what’s not? I will tell you – it’s constantly injuring your mind and killing your body because you need to prove that you are progressing. This is simply because everybody, everywhere has an idea of what your standards are and even if you die from it, you want to keep pushing to prove that point, to avoid disappointing the people who have ‘confidence’ in you.

That ‘confidence’ is a trap. It’s the reason most ‘A’ students work for ‘D’ students. As a straight ‘A’ student who has had to start reprogramming my mind to think rationally like a ‘D’ student, I can tell you this much.

There is a thin line between the need to progress and the need to prove. Most times, the society infects us with the latter and what happens? You realise that despite all you have done, you do not even realise that you are moving because your movement does not fit into the mind drawings and architectural plans that the society has for you. So, you are ungrateful, to yourself, to your process, to your abilities and to GOD!

I did not realise how much work I had done and how rich my CV was until I had to apply for a ‘contract’ and saw a list of groundbreaking things I had done and I broke down in tears. Tears of annoyance, anger at unnecessary frustrations I had put myself through, pain at the way things meant nothing to me and stupidity at the way I had let people use me to correct their own insecurities. Hot tears that led to my painful renaissance.  

My overachievement syndrome was ingrained from childhood by the people around me who felt they were encouraging me to do better but were simply using my life to correct their mistakes. I have realised that the Nigerian society is filled with so many people who are unhappy with the places they have steered their lives to and to correct their mistakes, they look for younger people to breathe fire on. This fire is usually veiled in the form of advice, motivation or correction. They say they want you to do greater things than they have done, my darling, tell them that they also have time to do greater things for themselves. Just kidding.

My point is, it will take a lot of work and discernment to meander through the millions of unsolicited advice, family responsibility and mutual entitlement that the average young person in Africa has to course through.

However, listen and sieve. Not every advice is advice. A lot of them are pressure statements and the moment you start to dance to that tune, being President of the United States won’t mean much to you and you will never be able to live your full potential in a given time or place.

Please outline your goals and your dreams, make sure they are feasible by researching and seeking expert advice. Seek social advice too and integrate it all in your work plan. Believe in yourself and be flexible to better ideas and plans that will bring you closer to your dreams but don’t sway. Don’t try to do so many different things because you want the opinion leaders in your life to have a sense of belonging with your vision.

Listen, read, think and discern. Don’t ruin your dream by making it everybody’s dream. You are too human to handle it well. 

And to you guys who know how to tell others what to do, please think of the things you want to say and sincerely ask yourself if your insecurities won't smell in there, somewhere. Don't help people dream and hammer hard on them when their life events don't tally with the ideas in your head. It is not your life for a reason!!! Just advice, pray and encourage them.