YOUR PROBLEM IS NOT AS BIG AS MINE
Why do you hate to share your
problems with others? Are you the person everyone confides in but you have no
succour? Do you hate when people always make your issues about themselves? Have
you found a great listening ear yet?
Well, the first question is the
reason why we are here people. Why do Nigerians find it difficult to confide in
each other? The answer is very simple from my deductions. YOUR PROBLEM IS NOT
AS BIG AS MINE.
Situation: You are in the midst
of your ‘friends’ and you start to share your present circumstances which are
not pleasant. Say, “Guys I need to pay my rent and I don’t have anything in my
account. I am trying to see how I can raise the next bar.”
You most likely will hear “Guy,
that one no be problem, na only rent dey do you and you dey like this. You know
wetin I see yesterday. Na God rescue me o. In fact, I be wan die yesterday. Me self, I
never chop for five days now.”
You are not Nigerian if you don’t
understand how the conversation will go on. I mean, most of us have been pushed
to silence, shamed and made to feel stupid because we have certain issues,
simply because those issues do not fit the listener’s idea of what a problem
should be. We have the ‘I don suffer pass you’ ideology. Let me itemize:
1. Nigerians
always want to prove that they have been through hard times too. This explains
the millions of pseudo motivational speakers that abound. Someone finally can
afford a two square meal and proceeds to tell us how we should ASPIRE TO INSPIRE SO YOU DONT EXPIRE. Ok! Continue.
2. Most
times, people don’t want to listen, they just want to gist. I learnt this the
hard way. Don’t always mistake the rapt attention you get in some discussions
for listening. Trust me, we are people who love gist and so, some people legit
want to hear your problems so their story banks can be filled and not because
they empathize with you.
3. It’s a
strong parental error. Nigerian parents do the most. Do you recall trying to
get your parents to understand your struggles and pains and being told that you
haven’t seen anything in life? My mother even had this quote, “If person wey
sleep inside say he see ghost, wetin person wey see outside go see?” That line
will never cease to amaze me. Tell parents your head hurt, they will tell you
their lungs are on probation and the degree of pain they feel cannot be
quantified. Tell them you failed a test and they will narrate how with no water
or light, they always came top of their classes. (They taught us so much)
4. You
really want to brag about your survival skills. You know this! Sometimes, you
tell stories about your discomforts and pains because you want the world to
know how tough and mature you are and trust me, it comes from deep insecurity.
I have come to find out that survival skills don’t need to be narrated, they
are clear for all to see if they exist at all.
I could go and on but I know
that you know the rest. Truth is, it is easy to blame others when we are on the
other side.
If you get this vibe from
people all the time, chances are that you give the same vibe too. You try to
make people’s pains your glory stage by letting it known that you go through so
much too that you keep to yourself.
Note: Keeping tons of pain to
yourself does not make you strong; it weakens your humanity so bad that you
lose your empathy. That someone decides to tell you what they are going through
is not a chance to gloat over your strength.
Pain is not a comparison
contest. Nobody loves pain, not even the boaster.
This indeed is Nigeria's table. The whole of Nigeria is on this table that you decided to shake today. Well done ma. It's a call to repentance regardless. But sometimes some stories just sound outright petty. God help us all.
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